A funny Memory

When I was in high school I had this one experience with a bunch of black guys who called me out because my face was full of acne, they were trying to pump up their testosterone because I had noticed they were kinda too skinny for the football team, which was full of large Samoans, and I figured they wanted to pick on a 5'2 brown nerdy looking girl, so I immediately saw that whatever it was they were trying to feel better about, was probably some sexual connotation (like maybe some really good looking brown girl rejected their testosterone aggressiveness and decided to take it out on me) So I said: "So does that mean that you want to make out with my face? If it's making you look at it so much, do you want to kiss it?" And they started doing "gross!" "ugh" noises, but they backed off after that. The major problems with the "adult-high school in the real world" Just means that people don't realize that, no matter how smart they try to be, most of the economics revolve around "Sex" as method of getting things sold and bought. It's sad but I just keep hoping that sexuality-phobias never catch up with idealisms of more intelligent creatures who can co exist without the sacrifices of the "weaker" (women and children and the old)

Mainframe Recognized, Accessory denied

There's a store of art collectors
collecting what's never known inside their minds
and They cover themselves in the essences of another's blood
For one painting took a billion cells of brain explosions gone
to another century in the future sense of what the accepted survivalist opinionates
reap taking through a mainframe switch wired to its heart

Could not stay home, make a song, bleed on the guitar
could not
Until they threw her into the desert storm tonight
injecting herself an alcoholic's remedy
adrenaline of lesser known factors

"I want to be in it, but not of it"
She whispers through half twisted
thoughts, after having explained to her
an unknown bigger than nothingness

An armed force bigger than me, and you,
she longs, for so long a victim of her own kinds
depletions of thoughts, sight
can't see the art, envy the thoughts
envy the time allotted on the painting frame

Cascade economics twisted at the trunk
thunder strike over centuries hit right at the core
burning it from the inside out
long rotted fruit, for what's left, at the edge of the wolf pack's home
Sent deer, gazelle, and pig to scour the trimmings of dying forest wood
Easy pray, this desert like floor

Angel windstorm blowing through the nights
deplete scent upward hot thunder night

Wolfpack unrest,
hungry
ease at bay

Eat the color right off the paintings


And I continue to paint

Collections, dreams

Something about things like toys that always look better when they remain in their original packaging,
a kind of adolescent disappointment
where as an adult
only with luck, can appreciation surge

Missing The First

Last Mistake
now We're all ghosts

We Held Universes In our Hearts

We spent the days wondering where the edges stopped
after the cliffs and the more edges
and we learned phonetic verse
like secret languages of natural growth and predicaments

Thunder and ground ruptures came from all sides
fog and smog and hurricane confusion blew from the north
and the south
to the west, all tsunami came in as easy as morning dew
and we sat on the top of the mountains
and watched disaster confuse us all
keep hiking
keep walking
keep seeing how we ourselves keep it together
and avoid the east side lava flow
burning edges made us metal shoes
We loved the flowers that grew
we loved the birds that sung
we loved the morning and twilight against the snows

(Music passes by like rivers and drying up oasis keep maternity afloat)
We're feeling tortured
we're feeling like the falling is another task to go
straight to a halfway dim world

We're drinking our families
we're spelling out for our enemies
we're inside a cultured bacterial growth
and this is bad, they keep saying
and it is, we keep feeling

Some of us sit in churches and others
we sit in our minds
and appreciate so much
that we can see the war before it happens
We assume things sort themselves over time
but over time the things assumed become cancerous
terror growths
and I suppose
I'll leave an empty verse
because what's beautiful is a rare sight
to call it out feels like I would destroy it




















Who'd spend so much time writing about

what seems to be nothing?

Undreamt

There was so much distance between me and the moon and everything else outside
and I knew I could think further than the moon and all the other moons
And there was a dark figure standing outside my window
keeping everyone awake with rasping sounds on the windowpane
and I felt that all the strength I could use to travel further than the moon would
be used up on this
because the night before, bathed in salty Godly tears
My mission was to liberate the dark figures outside my window
and that was enough to raise a storm
dreaming each night there was a silver dome outside me and the moon
keeping us inside


I spent time looking forward
and when I could breathe for a second
looked up, from the side
and a strange rupture
brought the abyss of tortured wonder, closer than it should be
Books and paintings and smiles and hugs and mirrors and sunshine and
flowers all died at his feet
his godly, black feet
stormdrain for both our tears


I ran around him in my dreams,
but directionless
he always faced me
and as the Moon's pull called out to me
night time star gaze travel dreams
a kind of universal ship sank into me

Everybody Knows Everybody

and I can't seem to be able to remember anyone's name

I've heard...

That the best way to make a lot of money is to know how to break down a girl slowly

This is a place

and there is a heart here
talking about itself and what it knows
and how it knows that everyone knows
better than itself
and so writing this kind of nonsense
is ridiculously boring



Fermenting
drunken
soul
sobering
out of time loop

Fault and Defeat and Restart

I've been losing since Vowing to you
and blood in
There's nothing these sounds bounce off of
my radio signals straight to space
traveling forever
until I die
maybe they'll reach somebody
something
maybe you in another time
or amethyst under the sun in ancient neptune

Crowning I know

She
your goddess timely so
save her face from midnight brow
them so blatantly all over
sleep me in haze fog
to end me
in your kingdom mope
save a fence and wire net
scape
lynch the quiet drone
again and again
same beat and tow
I dreamt your voice was on every record
and all my words poured out

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All my journals have been about you since before I knew you existed
And I'm still waiting to meet you
Like a short spasm of growth
Where they pretend they want to get old
By your hand and mind
this blood flows out
to the ground

down to the ground


Cold blooded reptile
climb tree sleep and flow
sunshine goddess and moonlight god
twist and tame
water pours out desert crowns

Sleeping grudging
waiting for the graceful
midnight tow
without day time seemly glow
had you seen me in the mirror instead of you
maybe I would have been you

Grim grin pleasantly feel
sorry for me so
because on the other end of the reflection
inside my mind
your knighthood throne
I sat you there
and
the kingdom collapse
steadily goes